


Spice World and Chill

by Absolkitty



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drinking, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, In which Tali gets drunk, Movie Night, Spice Girls References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-12
Packaged: 2018-05-13 07:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5700193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Absolkitty/pseuds/Absolkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just days before all goes to hell in the galaxy, Tali and Shepard have a movie night. Fleet and Flotilla? Meet your match.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spice World and Chill

**Author's Note:**

> After watching the Citadel DLC, this idea popped into my head and refused to leave me alone until I wrote it down. Be on the look out for even more crack like this in the future. 
> 
> Also, F!Shepard is best Shepard.

Tali’zorah vas Normandy was extremely proud of herself.

She’d finally managed to convince Commander Missy Shepard into watching the famous Fleet and Flotilla with her. The way she’d put it, they were on shore leave, and therefore might as well use their time docked on the Citadel wisely. Missy was the one who’d suggested having a Movie Night Extravaganza, but it was Tali who, after learning that her girlfriend had never seen the most spectacular movie in the galaxy, shoved her down on the couch in the vast living room, and lay down on her lap so she couldn’t move as she took control of the remote and the TV. In the spirit of having some time to relax and forget about the war currently raging outside, she’d gotten drunk beforehand. She was so proud of herself for having trapped her Shepard on the couch, and told Missy as such, nodding her head sagely. Missy wisely kept her mouth shut, and her biotic abilities hidden away.

Half-way through the movie, Tali persuaded Shepard to look up the lyrics for the sing-along mode on the extranet so the two of them could sing the various songs together in the most dramatic ways possible. The quarian was now currently snuggled on her human girlfriend’s lap as they watched the credits roll for the second time, feeling positively giddy that she’d successfully ‘converted’ Missy into being a Fleet and Flotilla fan. Missy looked down at Tali and gave her a trademark grin. “Well, Miss vas Normandy,” she teased, running a finger along the side of Tali’s mask affectionately. “Now that you’ve successfully gotten me to watch your favorite movie, I think it’s time I introduce you to one of mine.”

Tali looked up. “You sure you don’t want to watch it again?” she asked hopefully. “You still haven’t gotten the words down for Bellicus’ solo down yet! And his solo is _iconic!”_ she said, lacing her fingers through Missy’s and squeezing gently. “That solo paved the way for hundreds of other musical dramas! It’s legendary! _And you, the savior of the citadel, my girlfriend, haven’t memorized it yet!”_ She growled, smacking her free hand against Missy’s chest to emphasize every syllable. “ _We’re an interspecies couple, too, damn it!”_

“My dearest Tali,” interrupted the Commander, grabbing the offending hand and setting it back down on Tali’s chest. “I assure you that I will eventually learn the words. I swear. It’s just, it’ll take me at least one more time before I actually _get_ it.”

“So, one more time, then?” asked Tali cheerfully, reaching out for the remote by Missy’s knee. Missy smirked as her biotics flared gently, knocking the remote to the floor just out of reach, much to Tali’s horror. “Damn you. I can’t reach it,” she whined, swatting at the air around the floor.

“That’ll teach you to not drink more than five shots of that Turian brandy in a row.”

“Shut up.”

“Love you too.”

“Bosh’tet.”

_Always getting the last word in,_ thought Missy affectionately with a roll of her eyes.

“Fine. We can watch your movie. What is it?” Tali grumbled, still trying and failing to reach for the remote.

“The movie I am about to introduce to you is both horrible _and_ iconic. _My_ friends and I watched this every time we had a sleepover, and-“Missy paused dramatically and leaned over to tap her forehead against Tali’s. “I have the entire movie memorized. I assure you, it’s fantastic. Everyone should see it at least once in their life.”

Tali rolled her eyes, for once grateful that Missy couldn’t see behind her mask. “Nothing can compete against Fleet and Flotilla. Nothing.”

Missy snorted. “We’ll just have to see about that.” With some difficulty, she pried the slightly inebriated quarian off of her lap and deposited her back onto the couch. Before Tali could do anything, Missy bent over and swiped the remote off the floor and slipped it into the pocket of her N7 hoodie. “You go get the drinks,” she called as she skipped down the hall to their room. “I’ll get the movie.”

Tali groaned as she sat back up. “Remind me why I put up with you again?”

“Because you love me?” Missy called back.

“Some might say that was one of my many mistakes, you know,” Tali muttered as she tottered down towards the kitchen.

* * *

 

Tali had forgotten exactly why she’d been sent to the kitchen and was happily sitting on the counter slurping down yet another glass of a purple drink when Missy bounded in a good fifteen minutes later. “Hi,” Tali chirped as she looked up. “You’re cute.”

“And you’re drunk,” Missy grinned. “Come on, bring your glass. I’ll handle the rest.” She gathered up the mostly empty bottle of purple alcohol that Tali had been drinking, a pitcher of water, and a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy before using her biotics to levitate Tali off the counter and onto the floor.

“You’re not drunk enough,” Tali commented as they headed back to the living room. “It’s not fair.” She  drunkenly swerved into Missy’s path, effectively stopping her from taking another step. “No. You drink too. Don’t make me sic Chatikka on you.” She pointed at the bottle of Brandy in Missy’s hand. “It’s no fun if only one of us is drinking.”

Missy gently turned Tali back around and ushered her back down the hall. “We’re about five seconds away from the couch. Let’s get there, and then, just for you, I’ll drink straight from the bottle until you tell me to stop.”

“Hee. You’ll regret that one, Shepard.”

True to her word, after Tali had settled down on the couch holding her newly filled glass of alcohol, Missy took up her bottle of brandy, held it up as in toast, and drank. Tali giggled maniacally as the amber liquid inside the bottle slowly disappeared. Mercifully, she stopped her just as it was getting to the halfway point; the small part of her brain that wasn’t completely affected by the amount of alcohol she’d consumed that evening warned her that too much at one time could, in fact, poison her Missy.

But there was no way she’d be the only one drunk that evening. No. Way.

Missy swallowed her last mouthful and shuddered as it went down. “Woah. Okay. Remind me to never put you in charge of my alcohol consumption ever again.”

“Didn’t you promise me a bad movie?” Tali asked, swaying slightly. “Come on. I want to sing again.”

“Oh, don’t worry, this movie has _plenty_ of songs to sing,” said Missy as she fiddled with the TV. “And I’m gonna sing _all_ of them.”

“Oh creators. This should be interesting.”

Missy plopped down next to Tali, pulled the remote out of her hoodie, and clicked play. “You have no idea.”

The movie started up, and Missy started swaying happily to the music that preceded the opening credits. Tali watched her out of the corner of her eye, once again glad that Missy couldn’t see the look of disbelief on her face. Sure, the music was pretty, but where was the-

The title of the movie shimmered into light, and Tali stared at the five, oddly dressed women who were swaying gently on a stage of some sort.

“ _Spice World?”_ asked Tali, turning to stare at Missy completely horrified. “Please tell me this isn’t anything like Vaenia. Or a cooking show. Oh creators, please don’t let it be a Vaenia-themed cooking show.”

“Ha! No! See the group that’s singing now? They’re called the-“

“Shut up, Shepard!” Tali hissed, smacking Missy across her chest. “They’re singing! I want to listen!”

Just as Missy predicted, Tali became completely engrossed in the movie, and forced Missy to pause at certain points just so they wouldn’t miss anything when she went off on a rant.

“ _You mean that fool of a human left their friend? When she’s about to have his child?”_

“Yep.”

“ _And he never comes back?”_

“Nope.”

” _What a fucking loser piece of crap Batarian- blooded BOSH’TET.”_

“I knew you’d like this.”

“ _Some might say that was another of my mistakes- OH CREATORS, THEY AREN’T WEARING PANTS. THOSE DANCERS. ARE NOT. WEARING. PANTS.”_

“I know. Scary, isn’t it?”

“ _If I end up having nightmares about reapers dancing in their underwear on my home world, I’m blaming you.”_

“Works for me!”

Missy, much to Tali’s amusement, also happily sang each and every song that the group included in the movie, complete with drunken arm movements. Tali would grudgingly ask her to pause and rewind, just so she could also try and sing along with her. The movie ended with the long-awaited concert, during which Tali leaped up and started dancing, while Missy sang along as loud as she could, using the now-empty brandy bottle as a microphone.

“I. Love. This. Movie.”

“Come again, Tali?”

“You were right. It was horrible. But _so much fun.”_

Missy grinned at her triumphantly. “Told ya!”

Tali fell back down onto the couch, pulling Missy down with her. “Can we watch it again?” she asked. “I really liked, what’s her name, the one who was really into exercising?

“Ah, you liked Melanie C. Otherwise known as “Sporty Spice.” Missy nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I liked her too. She always struck me as the calm one of the bunch. I’d probably have gone crazy if I’d have been around the others all the time.”

“She reminded me of you, actually.” Tali commented softly. “Especially since she wore those hoodies all the time. Like you do.”

Missy smirked. “Well, if I’m Sporty, then you must be Baby Spice.”

“What?!” squawked Tali indignantly. “I am nothing like her!”

“You totally are! You’re the cute one of the bunch, you also happen to be the youngest in our little family, minus Grunt, of course, and-”Missy paused for a moment. “You pack a mean punch when you’re angry.”

“…you make a good point.” Tali conceded, settling her head against Missy’s shoulder. “At least you made me the cute one.”

“Was there any doubt I’d choose otherwise?” Missy asked.

“Nope. Not at all.”

“Glad to hear it.”

For a few minutes the two leaned against each other, soaking up each others’ company. The war could be forgotten, for a while. For now, they had this.Tali wrapped her arms around Missy’s waist with a sigh of contentment. “After watching this one more time, we’re totally watching Fleet and Flotilla again. And this time, you better get the words to that damn solo right.” She added with a glare.

“What if I’ve forgotten the words?” teased Missy.

“Then you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Missy winced. “Ouch. Guess I better start studying.”

“Wait a second, wasn’t there a bomb on their tour bus?” Tali asked suddenly, as the last of the ending credits scrolled up. “What happened to the bomb on the-“ A loud explosion behind the British girl group was all the answer she needed.

“You still want to watch it again?” Missy asked, watching Tali out of the corner of her eye.

“Hell. Yeah. Best movie night _ever._ ”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
